Narrator: Dende’s home planet was destroyed in the ferocious battle between Tobeto and Icor. Only a few people escaped the mighty explosion of the planet. Dende was sent to planet Earth and this is where his story begins…
Dende wakes up in his pod which is in a hole.
Dende: W-where am I? What is this place? And why is there only dirt and rocks here? I guess it’s called Earth for a reason…
Dende thinks he might be underground, so he digs around his pod and into the tunnel that his pod dug out.
Dende: Oh, well that kind of makes sense.
After looking around for a bit he sees a pond. With no second thoughts he dives in and takes a huge drink of water. Then he jumps out and onto the grass.
Dende: Phew. I never thought Earth water would be this good. Once I get home I’ll tell everyone…
He suddenly bursts into tears as he falls on his back.
Dende: (wiping his tears) Oh no not again. Alone and trapped. No one around to talk to. I mean, who knows what kind of horrible creatures lurk on this planet.
He looks to the left and sees two humans walking in his direction. He quickly jumps into the pond and listens to what they are saying.
Human 1: Did you hear?
Human 2: About what?
Human 1: You know, about the wishing well.
Human 2: What wishing well?
Human 1: Oh, you know, the wishing well that can grant wishes. (Whispers) If you throw a coin into it.
Dende: If I can get my hands on this “wishing well”, I’ll be set to go.
Dende waits in the pond until the humans leave.
Dende: (impatiently) Took them long enough. Anyway, I should start looking for the wishing well.
Another bunch of humans start heading his way.
Dende: (really losing his temper) Give me a break.
Human 3: I love the allotments. They’re so cool.
Human 4: Yeah same. And magical! Have you heard about the wishing well?
The humans walk off.
Dende: (getting quiet angry) Yeah, the only magic that happens around here is when these aliens stop coming over and shut their mouths. I’ll have to wait here…
After a lot of waiting, Dende steps out of the pond and realizes that it’s night.
Dende: (shouting to imaginary humans) Oh! You see this… You did this! You are making me wait here for hours on end with no outcome. So basically you are wasting my time. I could be saving my race. Gosh, do have no respect. Jeez.
Imaginary humans: Well maybe you shouldn’t have come to our planet. How about that one?
Dende: (confused) How is my imagination talking to me? And worse, it’s defying me. Like, come on. I literately created you.
Imaginary humans: Meh.
Dende: Oh, now you listen here… What’s even the point? I’m arguing with something that doesn’t exist!
Dende goes back to his pod and goes to sleep.
He wakes up the next morning to find a human right in front of him.
Dende: (panicking) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Human: (in sync) Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Dende: (still panicking) W-what are you doing here? How did you get in my ship.
Human: There is a gaping hole in the ground. How could I not see it?
Dende: (calming down) Fair point. But still this is my house. You mean to tell me that it’s normal to see a space ship underground and it’s perfectly ok to just barge into it not knowing if you would die or not?
The human thinks for a bit before answering.
Human (unconfidently) Yeah…
Dende stares at him angrily, making the human change his mind midway through his sentence.
Human: I mean no. In no way is it acceptable. I totally one hundred percent agree with what you are saying.
Dende: Whatever. Why the hiful are you still in my house?! Leave now!
Human: (getting out) Already wayyyyy ahead of you, bud.
The human runs as fast as he as can and hides behind the nearest bush.
Dende: (realizing his mistake) Wait a sec… Oi, you get back here alien!
The human emerges from behind the bush.
Human: (confused) Me? An alien?
Dende: Yes, of course you, I don’t see any other aliens around here.
Human: Well, apart from you.
Dende: (offended) How very rude of you.
Human: No it’s not rude. Cause you’re an alien and I’m a human.
Dende: So that’s what you race is called.
Human: Race? I don’t see anyone running
Dende: Don’t worry you probably wouldn’t understand anyway.
(Aside) Plus, the writer can’t be bothered to explain. Anyway.
(Back to Human) You know about the wishing well right?
Dende: Great. If you can take me there, then I, your friendly Zoimekian, can use it to bring back my planet and get the hiful off this plane.
Human: Deal but first you have to tell me your name.
Dende: Mate, it’s on the script.
Human: What script?
Dende: Erm, the play script?
Human: What play?
Dende: Ugh, it doesn’t matter. My name is Dende. And you are?
Human: Jefferson, Will Jefferson.
Dende: Well Will, we ought to find this well. Otherwise I’ll be stuck here quivering in fear.
Will: I think we’ll leave the rhymes for later…
Dende: Alright, deal.
Will: Good. Follow me.
Dende: On it boss.
They wonder around until they find the wishing well.
Will: By the way, you do realize…
Dende: (cutting him off) Don’t ruin the moment for me. Now, how does this thing work?
Will: The wishing well is fake.
Dende: (shocked) What?
Will: Well I was told by my mother that the wishing well will not work.
Dende: (annoyed) So I’ve sat here, on this planet, expecting something good to finally happen. And then I find out that my only hope is not real.
Dende: Well that’s that. Let me go fly myself into the sun.
Will: (shocked) Wait, what?
Dende starts walking off with tears in his eyes.
Dende: (crying) Only joking. But I am leaving.
Will: B-but why?
Dende: Because I need to go fly into space and find more Zoimekians.
(Stops crying and gets annoyed. Aside) Oh, come on script writer guy, you couldn’t come up with a better excuse? I think the flying myself into the sun sounds more appealing than flying around the flipping galaxy. Ugh, whatever.
Dende then takes himself to the space pod and flies off.
Dende: Lamest. Ending. Ever. Little Red Riding Hood was better.